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Inside the mind of your toddler

1. If it tastes yucky try putting it in mummy’s mouth, she’d eat anything
2. If I liked it last week DO NOT under any circumstances like it this week
3. If it’s green throw it on the floor
4. If she gives me my own spoon be sure and get that stuff everywhere, rub it in my hair, on the table and all over my face
5. If I see a light on a machine in that kitchen place, push the buttons and try to catch the light
6. If there’s a door open in that kitchen place, either the big long door with all the cold food inside or the door with all those lovely pots in it, close the door
7. If she leaves the silly thing with bars on the stairs open then that’s an invitation to start climbing
8. If she dresses me before I eat breakfast, be sure and spit it out all over my clothes
9. If the front door opens, run for it
10. If we go shopping and I’m in the trolley let’s play the game where I try and put stuff in and touch all the stuff on the shelves
11. If she says that ‘no’ word when I do something it must be really good fun so keep trying to do it
12. The thing that turns on the TV is the best toy in the WHOLE WORLD, I just love it and it tastes really yummy
13. If she puts me in my cot, I must make lots of noise, shout, hit my head off the bars, throw stuff out for at least 20 minutes before I go to sleep, that’s the rule
14. If my brother has it I want it, if he thinks it’s cool then it must be really cool
15. If my sister takes something off me, scream and cry and throw myself on the floor until the mummy person makes her give it back to me, ha ha got you!!
16. If mummy goes out for a night and daddy is minding me then there’s no point in staying awake or waking during the night, shur she’s not here anyway.
17. If granny or grandad visit give them lots and lots of smiles and kisses and never ever cry or scream, old people don’t like that type of thing
18. Even if I’m starving, never ever eat the green stuff, throw it on the floor
19. If she’s changing my nappy it’s time to roll over, try and climb off the changing table, kick my legs, kick everything in sight off the table and at all costs do NOT stop
20. If we go to that big place with all the shops and lots of people really go crazy, lie down on the floor and cry and kick my legs, try to pinch people, kick people if I am in the buggy and they get to close especially if the mummy person goes into the place with all the dresses
21. If mummy says “shhhush” or “shhhh” or “be quiet now pet” in the place with all the books or the place where they all kneel down and talk together it’s time to shout and sing and use my outside voice because she keeps ignoring me
22. When we are in the busy place with all the shops and I see something strange or funny – point and say it out loud…so the lady who’s overweight with the big pink jacket wants to know and mummy might not have seen how funny she looks
23. If I see those big lights in the street that change colour insist on pressing the button and keep pressing the button…cry louder if someone else presses it (this goes for lifts as well)
24. In the shop with all the food or when buying meat/cheese/cakes – anything wrapped in that plastic see through stuff that feels really nice….must press and make holes before I’m discovered.
25. Butcher shops = cold place = cry till we leave…the louder the better…or run around in circles.
26. Shop that gives lollys or biscuits – don’t wait to be offered, they’ve given it before…just ask yourself…the mummy ones goes a funny color red when I do this so it must be ok because she goes red when I do all the fun stuff
27. Hair salons….do not sit still, crooked is best, you can stop when the person with scissors has funny wet marks rolling from her hair down her face…think I’ve heard mum say she’s sweating
28. Keys are the second best toy EVER – if I see these I must have them and then hide them….and laugh….
29. Drawers down low are useful for climbing especially to reach the counter, so is my ride on toy, my bike, the coffee table, dishwasher door and lots of other stuff no-one else seems to like standing on
30. If I have an older brother or sister who has homework – they love it when I help them….mostly when they are not looking and I use their markers